Feelings

I started to write this blog tonight about some of the crud that I have been dealing with the past couple weeks but it just keeps changing and my words are not describing what I want to say. I have been unable to even label how I have been feeling but a few words come to mind. Rejected, frustrated, exhausted, sad, and even mad. Today it all hit me at once and even though I can't point to any one thing, it seems that I am completely out of sorts....everything feels "off".
I have a hard time talking about it because I don't want anyone to judge me, I need to be strong and just make it through. I also know I am the one that chooses to be happy and I like that feeling so when I am not happy I feel like it is a failure on my part. This feeling of not wanting to talk about how I feel sucks for me because talking is the one thing that makes me feel better. I just have been let down by too many people lately so it's easier to keep it to myself (well not really because then it just festers down deep)! So here I am writing and even though it has no specific audience..in my mind everyone is listening and maybe that will help.
I left this post for a few minutes and went to have dinner with my kids..my mother has decorated for halloween and it was nice to see actually. For the first time today I have felt a bit of relief inside. I know I will feel better soon, and I have to work at it, but sometimes working at it is too much and I wish I could just rest my head!