Feelings

I started to write this blog tonight about some of the crud that I have been dealing with the past couple weeks but it just keeps changing and my words are not describing what I want to say. I have been unable to even label how I have been feeling but a few words come to mind. Rejected, frustrated, exhausted, sad, and even mad. Today it all hit me at once and even though I can't point to any one thing, it seems that I am completely out of sorts....everything feels "off".
I have a hard time talking about it because I don't want anyone to judge me, I need to be strong and just make it through. I also know I am the one that chooses to be happy and I like that feeling so when I am not happy I feel like it is a failure on my part. This feeling of not wanting to talk about how I feel sucks for me because talking is the one thing that makes me feel better. I just have been let down by too many people lately so it's easier to keep it to myself (well not really because then it just festers down deep)! So here I am writing and even though it has no specific audience..in my mind everyone is listening and maybe that will help.
I left this post for a few minutes and went to have dinner with my kids..my mother has decorated for halloween and it was nice to see actually. For the first time today I have felt a bit of relief inside. I know I will feel better soon, and I have to work at it, but sometimes working at it is too much and I wish I could just rest my head!

Shopping Adventure

So this weekend I went with my friend to get a few groceries. She is one of those that shops at different grocery stores depending on what it is she is buying. I on the other hand go to the same store all the time (pretty boring). Anyway, she takes me to Trader Joes where I have only been a few times. It is a little crowded for my enjoyment, but we are content shopping for her needs, and even a few things for myself. I have to say that I truly enjoy people watching and this is definately a store that brings in some strange (everyone is strange in their own way) characters. I was quite annoyed with this blonde chick who must have in her late 40's as she was totally in her own world and cut me off to get where she was going. Usually when this happens in a store the culprit realizes what she (or he) is doing..not this gal..she didn't know anyone was in the store besides herself. I catch up to my friend and we finish browsing the isles. I was having fun wondering about all these peoples lives and predicting how they all lived. We get into the checkout line and the checker was very nice but also in his own world. He must have had some very good mary jane before work, he really tried hard to interact with us but it was obvious his mind was elsewhere. At least he was fun. Meanwhile "Blondie" gets in line behind us, still not seeing anyone else around her. As she was looking at her wallet or something she realizes that our checker was doing a price check. She seems like she is in panic mode almost...not like she is in a hurry but like "I am here in line and no one is helping me, what's wrong? Do they not see me?" She then makes conversation with our checker and he points to the other 3 lines that were open and she moves to another line (with a longer wait). We finished 2 minutes later and as we walked out of the store (she is still waiting in line) I took a good look at her...my prediction..there really is no one else in her world. I think she was high on something and it was all she could see..herself. Very interesting evening and maybe my predictions are not at all right, but I forever will have that impression.